The next step along the pathway to freedom is taking time out to evaluate all my relationships.
Now, that takes some honesty and it takes guts because it means that I have to offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me. It means that I have to make amends for the harm I have done to others: Ephesians 4: says this:
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you
You mean if I want to be free I’m supposed to forgive those who have hurt me. Why?
I’ll give you 3 reasons – there are more, but these will do for a start!
1: Because God has forgiven me:
Col. 3: 13: Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
2: Because resentment just doesn’t work.
Job 5: 2: For wrath killeth the foolish man, and envy slayeth the silly one.
The GNB version says: ‘You are hurting yourself with your anger
I’ll give you an example: in Dec.2004, Indiana Pacers forward Ron Artest was laying on the score table. It was a game in Detroit and a so called fan threw beer in his face. Artest jumped up from the table and charged at the fan in a violent temper. The result was a riot. The NBA suspended Artest for 1 year without pay - that it costs him $5million Why? Because he got angry at the fans. He should have ignored them and let security handle it.
Being and angry and resentful is never helpful
Actually its quite is unhealthy. It causes you to lose sleep and if it’s not dealt with, it can have quite severe health issues on the long-term
The 3rd reason why we should forgive is because I will need forgiveness in the future:
Mark 11: 25 But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.”
In the AMP version, this verse says to forgive and let it drop (leave it, let it go)
So, if forgiveness isn’t bad enough, now you’re telling me to make amends to those I’ve hurt. Why?
Hebrews 12: 15: Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
So how do I go about make amends?
Well, you can start by making a list of all those people you’ve hurt and what you did. This could be, broken or forgotten promises, over possessiveness, verbal, emotional or physical abuse, unpaid personal debts and the list goes on….
Then, think about how you’d like other people to make amends to you.
Luke 6:27-32 “But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back. Do to others as you would like them to do to you.
“If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them!
Then of course there are those times when we know what to do, but we don’t know when to do it: wait on God and He will guide your paths. He will give you a perfect peace on when to act.
It is important to have the right attitude: we can know the right thing to do but if our heart isn’t right, we’re just blowing smoke.. if I order prime rib in a restaurant I want it to be tender, edible and palatable, not hard, leathery, and tough.
Ephesians 4: 15: Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.
In other words, you need to refocus:
Job 11: 13-17: “If only you would prepare your heart and lift up your hands to him in prayer! Get rid of your sins, and leave all iniquity behind you. Then your face will brighten with innocence. You will be strong and free of fear. You will forget your misery; it will be like water flowing away. Your life will be brighter than the noonday. Even darkness will be as bright as morning.
See, when you put your heart right, when you forgive and release others for the things they’ve done to you, when you reach out to God… you can face the world again and the result is that all those past hurts and that past trouble will fade in your memory. See, victory comes when we sacrifice ourselves for the benefit of others:
OK, so we’ve started out on the path to freedom but how do I keep going when life gets in the way? How do I keep my momentum?
There’s a guy who was in danger of losing his momentum in Mark 14: 35-38
He went on a little farther and fell to the ground. He prayed that, if it were possible, the awful hour awaiting him might pass him by. “Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”
Then he returned and found the disciples asleep. He said to Peter, “Simon, are you asleep? Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour? Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”
The Message Bible translates verse 37-38 like this:
“He came back and found them sound asleep. He said to Peter, “Simon, you went to sleep on me? Can’t you stick it out with me a single hour? Stay alert, be in prayer, so you don’t enter the danger zone without even knowing it. Don’t be naive. Part of you is eager, ready for anything in God; but another part is as lazy as an old dog sleeping by the fire.”
The fact is that the Path to Freedom and spiritual growth is not always smooth. Sometimes, we take two steps forward and then one step back. It isn't always easy. Sometimes we even fall back into our old self-defeating patterns of behavior.
That's called a RELAPSE. Just as the alcoholic goes back to drinking. If we’re not careful, we tend to repeat the patterns of our past. It's very easy to slip back into old hurts, old habits, and old hang-ups.
There are 4 things to watch out for - any of which are signs that we’re heading for trouble:
#1: COMPLACENCY:
You start getting comfortable with your short-term gains instead of looking for long-term change.
You say to yourself, "I don't need any more help, my pain’s not too bad anymore…I got it. I can live with it now.” So, instead of following the Path to freedom all the way to the end, you abort your journey and set up camp
#2 CONFUSION:
You start rationalizing "Maybe my problem really wasn't so bad after all. I think I can handle it myself now." Know when you’re likely to fall into that trap? When you start developing selective memory”!
#3 COMPROMISE:
You go back to the place of temptation. You go back to that risky situation that got you in trouble in the first place. Playing with temptation is always a losing game.
#4 CATASTROPHE:
You give in to your old habits and the old problems come back. You give in to your old hurt and the resentment comes back. You give in to your old hang-up and the insecurity comes back.
You need to understand that the collapse is not the relapse. The catastrophe is not when the relapse happens; it started much earlier. The catastrophe is simply the result of the pattern you initiated.
So, even when we know the right way to go and the right thing to do, why do we tend to go back to what we know is wrong? How to we guard against backsliding? We read the answer in Mark 14:38
Mark 14:38 (MES) Stay alert, be in prayer, so you don't enter the danger zone without even knowing it. Don't be naive. Part of you is eager, ready for anything in God; but another part is as lazy as an old dog sleeping by the fire.
Jesus tells us that it is human nature to backslide, to go back to things that mess us up even though we know they’re gonna mess us up! It’s human nature to let old habits, hurts and hang-ups come back to haunt us That’s why the Word of God gives us some SAFEGUARDS:
1. Evaluation.
2 Corinthians 13:5 (LB) Check up on yourselves. Are you really Christians? Do you pass the test? Do you feel Christ's presence and power more and more within you? Or are you just pretending to be Christians when actually you aren't at all?
Lamentations 3:40 (LB) Let us examine ourselves instead, and let us repent and turn again to the Lord.
So, we need to take some inventories on a regular basis.
PHYSICAL: What is my body telling me? It’s a barometer of what is happening inside.
EMOTIONAL: Am I allowing my true feelings to surface, or am I just denying them? Denying your feelings is like shaking the soda can as soon as you pull the ring, it’s going to explode.
Use the mnemonic HEART
H | Am I hurting? |
E | Am I exhausted? |
A | Am I angry? |
R | Am I resentful? |
T | Am I tense? |
RELATIONAL: Am I at peace with everyone? Why are you letting some people live rent free in your mind? They hurt you 20 years ago and they live 1000 miles away, but you wake up thinking about them. Your preoccupation with them gives them the power to control you.
SPIRITUAL: Am I maintaining a close and open relationship with God?
When you do an evaluation, yes, you need to confess your failures, but you also need to celebrate each victory, no matter how small.
You need to practice SPIRITUAL BREATHING. That’s when you make a mistake, you confess it (breathe out) and receive God’s forgiveness (breathe in). You need to learn to do that on a moment-by-moment basis,a thousand times a day if necessary. It should become as natural as physical breathing. Keep short accounts with God – don’t let those sins stockpile! (How often do you need to take out the garbage?!)
Galatians 6:4 (NIV) Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else,
2. Meditation.
Meditation is a good biblical word that has been co-opted by a lot of other people. It simply means: Slowing down long enough to hear God. That's all it is!
Psalm 1:1-3 (LB) Oh, the joys of those who do not follow evil men's advice, who do not hang around with sinners, scoffing at the things of God. But they delight in doing everything God wants them to, and day and night are always meditating on his laws and thinking about ways to follow him more closely. They are like trees along a riverbank bearing luscious fruit each season without fail. Their leaves shall never wither, and all they do shall prosper.
The key to spiritual growth is to have roots deep in God's Word.
Psalm 119:11 (LB) I have thought much about your words and stored them in my heart so that they would hold me back from sin.
Here’s the thing - If you know how to WORRY, then you already know how to meditate!
3. Prayer.
A final tool that will help you maintain your momentum is PRAYER. Prayer is the way you plug into God’s power. Realize this: PRAYER CAN DO WHATEVER GOD CAN DO! You can pray about ANY need in your life. God is your Father (maybe the loving Father you never had), and you can take ANYTHING to Him in prayer.The Lord’s Prayer is not WHAT we should pray (a ritual prayer), it is HOW we should pray (a model prayer) …
Matthew 6:9-13 (KJV) After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
Now there’s one final stage on the path to freedom I want to talk about. And that’s Recycling Your Pain
Let's talk about Why God allowed my pain.
Deut. 11:26 Behold, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse; 27 A blessing, if ye obey the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you this day: 28 And a curse, if ye will not obey the commandments of the LORD your God, but turn aside out of the way which I command you this day, to go after other gods, which ye have not known.
The Bible tells us in Genesis that we’re made in the image of God. So, how are we like God? Well for one thing God gave each of us the power of choice; you can choose right or wrong, God or Satan, life or death. God took that risk when he created us because He wanted people who would love Him voluntarily!
Now You can't say you love someone unless you’ve had the opportunity not to love them. You can't say you're good unless you've had the option to be bad.
Our free will is not only a blessing but it's also a burden, because sometimes we make dumb choices. And those dumb choices cause all kinds of painful consequences in our lives. I don’t believe that God likes us to suffer pain but most times it’s just a part of the package that comes with having a free will. Now, not only does God give YOU a free will, He gives EVERYONE ELSE a free will too. Sometimes THEY don't do the right thing and YOU get hurt as an innocent victim.
Could God have prevented that hurt from happening to you? Yes, all He’d have had to do would be to take away that person's free will to do wrong. But if He’d done that, to be fair He’d have to take away YOUR free will too. The problem is that by having a free will we get blessing, but we also get a burden. And God says, "I'm not going to overrule your will."
God doesn't send anybody to hell; you choose to go there by rejecting everything that He does for you. If you say “NO” to Him, you can't blame anybody but yourself because you have a free will. So, God has also allowed my pain to get my attention. Pain is a warning light on the dashboard of life, Its an alarm that says it’s time to act.
GNB Proverbs 20: “Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways.”
Pain is not your problem; it's just a symptom of your problem. Pain just says, "Something is drastically wrong in my life."
It's God's megaphone. God whispers to us in our pleasure but He shouts to us in our pain. We don't change when we see the light but when we feel the heat.
2 Cor. 7:9: 9 Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing.
So we see that it is the positive end result that God is after.God allowed my pain to teach me to depend upon Him.
2 Corinthians 1:8-10 (LB) I think you ought to know, dear brothers, about the hard time we went through in Asia. We were really crushed and overwhelmed, and feared we would never live through it. We felt we were doomed to die and saw how powerless we were to help ourselves; but that was good, for then we put everything into the hands of God, who alone could save us, for he can even raise the dead. And he did help us and saved us from a terrible death; yes, and we expect him to do it again and again.
You don't know that God is all you need until God is all you have. If you never had a problem, you'd never know God could solve problems! The truth is that there are some things we only learn through pain. It is life’s greatest teacher.
Psalm 119:71-72 (LB) The punishment you gave me was the best thing that could have happened to me, for it taught me to pay attention to your laws. They are more valuable to me than millions in silver and gold!
God allowed my pain to give me ministry to others
2 Corinthians 1:4 (NLT) He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.
Pain makes me humble in spirit, and also makes me sympathetic and sensitive to the needs of others. Pain prepares you to serve.
Everybody needs restoration of some type, and who better to help them than someone who has been through the same situation themselves! God wants to recycle the pain in your life to help others, but you've got to be open about it.
God’s bigger than those situations and those people that hurt you. No matter what other people have done to you, God can turn it around and use it for good.
Genesis 50:20 (NIV) You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
God never wastes a hurt. But you can waste it if you don't learn from it and if you don't share it with other people.
So How do I use my pain to help others?
1 Peter 3:15 (NIV) But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,
You need to always be prepared to give an answer to this question: “HOW DID YOU MAKE IT?”
Galatians 6:1-2 (LB) Dear brothers, if a Christian is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help him back onto the right path, remembering that next time it might be one of you who is in the wrong. Share each other's troubles and problems, and so obey our Lord's command.
This is a COMMAND –if you are a Christian, you’re to share in the problems of other people! Help them like God has helped you!. But when you do, you need to remember 3 things:
BE HUMBLE. When you witness to someone, it’s like one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread. You’re not saying that you have it all together,you’re saying that we’re all in the same boat together!
BE REAL. Be honest about your hurts and your faults. Be courageous enough to be vulnerable and real, because that’s when you really can help someone else open up to God. And it’s this atmosphere of acceptance that we want to cultivate in our church family.
BE KIND. Just share your story. God wants you to be a witness, not a defense attorney! You can’t argue anyone into Heaven, and you can’t hate anyone into truth. Just share what happened to you, and let God do the convicting.
Something amazing happens when you are willing to honestly share your story – it not only gives HOPE TO THEM but it gives HEALING TO YOU. Every time you share your story with somebody, you get a little bit stronger, and you're healed a little bit more.
Acts 20:24 (NLT) But my life is worth nothing unless I use it for doing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about God's wonderful kindness and love.
There are only two things you can’t do in heaven. One of them is sin. The other is witness. Which of those two reasons do you think God left you on earth for?
Two thousand years ago Jesus Christ preached the greatest sermon in history; we call it the Sermon on the Mount.
He started out by saying "I want to give you eight steps that will bring happiness to your life." we call those eight principles the Beatitudes. When you look closely at the Beatitudes that Jesus gave, you’ll find that they are a summary of the steps to freedom I’ve been talking about
Matthew 5:3-10 (TEV)
· Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor; the Kingdom of heaven belongs to them!
· Happy are those who mourn; God will comfort them!
· Happy are those who are humble; they will receive what God has promised!
· Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires; God will satisfy them fully!
· Happy are those who are merciful to others; God will be merciful to them!
· Happy are the pure in heart; they will see God!
· Happy are those who work for peace; God will call them his children!
· Happy are those who are persecuted because they do what God requires; the Kingdom of heaven belongs to them!
God wants to use your experiences to help other people. He wants to use YOU. He wants to recycle the pain in your life for the benefit of other people. Usually we think that God only uses really gifted or talented people. But that's not true – God uses ordinary people.
We pray that God would use our STRENGTH, but God declares that He wants to use our WEAKNESS. Do you know why? Because people are not helped by seeing your strength; they're helped when you're honest about your weaknesses.
When you share your strength they say, "I'll never have that." But when you share your weaknesses they say, "I can relate to that."
When you understand that God can use your weakness, hurt and pain for His purposes, life takes on a whole new meaning. And when you begin to practice this last step, then and only then do you truly have genuine freedom
The proof of your freedom is when you begin to focus outside of yourself.
You stop being so self absorbed, and you start asking, "How can I help other people?"
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